A Bonding Experience
by SemperSomnium
Summary: Kirk and Spock are on shore leave, and Kirk has had another one of his spectacle-inducing ideas. Humor, friendship fic of a sort . One-shot, please read and review!


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything related to Star Trek – unfortunately.

**A/N: **Hiya! This is my first foray into the Star Trek fandom, and it was all spurred by the recent, 2009 movie. I have not seen any of the original series, or previous movies (I know! D:), so there is a high chance that I have made mistakes. If so, please tell me, and I'll endeavour to fix them.

Ah, I wrote this over the span of two nights, and it really wasn't planned – it just happened. It is also my attempt at humour; I really have no idea if I have succeeded. Fingers crossed!

And normally, I'm not this cruel to the characters, but I fear I have somewhat permanently damaged Jim Kirk... Poor guy, I'm sure he'll bounce back. XD

**Warnings: **OOC; sorry, didn't mean too, it just wanted to be written that way. Hopefully it isn't too bad. This is NOT a slash fic – merely a twisted-kind-of-friendship fic between Kirk and Spock. And I do not have a beta, therefore all mistakes are my own.

Enjoy!

~.o.0.o.~

A Bonding Experience

~.o.0.o.~

"Captain, I do not see the purpose in the activity you are proposing."

Spock spoke impassively from where he was being dragged along behind one James T. Kirk. While being able to easily break the hold his Captain had on the sleeve of his shirt, he had opted for warily watching the exuberant man in front of him, waiting for said Captain to make a spectacle of himself as he inevitably would. Quite an enjoyable pastime, if he did say so himself.

"Sp-_ock_," the Captain whined, resembling a human two year old more than what was usual for him. "I thought I told you to call me Jim when we're off duty – and especially when we're on shore leave!"

"Then you thought correct, Captain."

An annoyed huff escaped his commanding officer, before Kirk swung around to face him with a petulant pout twisting his features.

"Then why won't you call me Jim?"

Spock had halted effortlessly when Kirk turned.

He lifted an eyebrow minutely as he replied, "I do not believe that it would be appropriate to call you so familiarly, Captain." Spock paused for a moment, watching Kirks pout deepen before adding, "You are my commanding officer."

Just in case he had forgotten.

"Well, _yeah,_" Kirk whined, in a tone that Spock believed he was correct in identifying as a 'duh' type tone. "But I'm also your _friend._"

Spock paused at that, pursing his lips so slightly that it was hardly noticeable. Kirk's expression had shifted from petulant to frustrated, but Spock could see the sincerity gleaming softly in the blue depths of his eyes.

Spock had never had a friend before Nyota, though that relationship was now eclipsed by their romantic status. So perhaps it could be said that he did not have a friend, period.

...Which is why he replied with:

"Captain, I am grateful for your offer of friendship. However, I believe the appropriate term here is: 'I would rather die.'"

With that, Spock moved forward, leaving Kirk sputtering in his wake.

"Huh – Wha-?" Was the highly articulate response from Spock's commanding officer.

Spock did not deign to reply; instead, he continued to move forward at a lazy pace, certain that Kirk would soon catch up. As suspected, the Captain did manage to eventually regain his senses and run to join his First Officer.

"Spock," Kirk sounded just a tiny bit strangled, and a whole lot disbelieving, "I'll have you know that my friendship is highly sought after – you should be honoured!"

There was a plea in there somewhere to refrain from further damaging his already overly inflated ego.

Spock chose to ignore it.

"Thank you for informing me, Captain. Regardless, 'honour' is an emotion I am least likely in feeling at the moment – in fact, I would say that I would be more likely to feel 'disgust', or 'horror', or even 'pity', before I would ever feel honour at your attempt of friendship."

Spock watched, unobtrusively, as Kirk deflated with every calmly delivered word, until he appeared to be in deep pain. Spock allowed a mere twitch of his lips before adding, "If I were to feel an emotion, of course."

"Of course," came Kirk's faint reply. The man looked vaguely nauseous.

"Are you well, Captain?" It was the First Officer's duty to ensure the Captain's well being, after all. "You appear to be feeling ill," Spock stated of Kirk's rather green complexion.

When no answer was immediately forth-coming, Spock added, "Perhaps we should visit Doctor McCoy?"

He would be glad to forsake the latest of James Kirks' illogical ideas, though that would mean having to also forsake the opportunity to silently take amusement in his foolishness. Oh well, he supposed. Sacrifices had to be made.

However, he had not expected his Captain to suddenly brighten at the mention of the doctor, nor for him to bounce up and shove his face into Spock's.

"That's it! Bones! Bones is my friend, and he is quite happy being there." Kirk looked insufferably smug all of a sudden, with that damnable cocky glint back in his icy blue eyes.

Spock thought of the craggy, bitter doctor, who would far sooner curse himself blue than crack a smile, and could not help but question his Captain's sanity. In light of Kirk's obviously deteriorating mental health, Spock decided to be somewhat merciful.

"I believe Doctor McCoy _is_ your friend, Captain." Whether he was happy or not was another matter...

"Yep!" Kirk was a great big child again, back to being his irrepressible, quivering, two-year-old self.

For once, Spock could actually see why Nyota had once compared their Captain to a puppy. A happy, tail-wagging, trembling, urinating-in-excitement, puppy.

"We're here, Spock!" Kirk screamed in his ear, looking as if Christmas had just come early.

Spock, after rubbing his ear and glaring at his oblivious Captain slightly, looked up at the shop, and had to quickly repress a shudder.

The neon writing flashing obscenely from above the window read:

'TattooZ _for_ YouZ'

Spock glared impassively as Kirk squealed in a fan-girlish manner, and dragged his First Officer into the tattoo parlour.

"Captain, I really must protest. Disregarding this establishments doubtful grammatical and spelling skills, obtaining a tattoo is both pointless, and illogical."

To Spock's slight frustration, Kirk merely flapped a hand in his direction, already pursuing the available pictures lining the walls.

"Lighten up, Spock! It'll be fun."

Spock let the lightest of sighs escape him before stating calmly, "Though I do not see the 'fun' in this activity, Captain; by all means, enjoy yourself."

"Oh, I shall." The grin Kirk aimed at him was blinding in its' exuberance. The Captains' following words, however, caused Spock's stomach to drop slightly. "And so shall you!"

Alarmed, Spock stiffened, and started; "Captain –"

He was unceremoniously cut off, however, when Kirk grabbed his wrist, and forcibly pulled him forward.

Spock had a bad feeling about this...

~.o.0.o.~

It turned out that Spock's bad feeling had been overly dramatic.

While Kirk did indeed intend to ensure Spock walked out of the parlour with a tattoo – "The bigger, the better!" – he had no way of pulling it off; short of his, as he put it, 'Kirk-charm'.

Disregarding the Captain's numerous protests – "It'll look cool!", "Think of the ladies!", and, finally, in a last ditch attempt: "It'll be a bonding experience!" – Spock had flat out refused, and continued refusing; showing a patience that could only come from a mother, or a Vulcan.

However, even his patience had been pushed to the limit when Kirk had decided to finally act his age; that is, he threw a tantrum and refused to move until Spock had acquiesced to getting a tattoo.

Spock had nerve-pinched him, and watched with a certain amount of satisfaction as his limp body crashed to the floor gracelessly. He was sure that he heard a dull thud as Kirk's head impacted forcibly with the hard tile, and allowed himself a small grin. Perhaps that would knock some sense into his commanding officer.

Spock had then suggested a tattoo for the unconscious Captain to the staring tattooist, commed Dr McCoy with Kirk's location, and left.

Far from being the complete disaster he had (for a moment) feared it would be, Spock left the tattoo parlour feeling smugly satisfied with the knowledge that Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S Enterprise had once again made a spectacle of himself, and Spock had been there to witness it.

~.o.0.o.~

When Kirk approached him the next day, sporting a large lump on the back of his head and a pout that could have made the angels weep, Spock decided to take mercy on his pitiable Captain.

"Perhaps we could attempt a more logical social encounter next time, Jim?"

The answering smile was blinding.

And if being friends with the unfortunate Captain meant that Spock had front row seats to just about any and all spectacle-inducing ideas Jim had – well.

Spock thought that it just about made it worth all the effort.

~.o.0.o.~

Fin

~.o.0.o.~

**A/N: **So, that's that, I suppose. Hopefully I succeeded in my attempt at humour. :)

I really didn't mean for Jim to be so immature, or Spock so mischievously cruel. I hope it worked out anyway, and you enjoyed my fic.

Please leave a review telling me of any mistakes, any ways I could improve, or even that my humour sucks. ;) Creative criticism is divine, and I would really like to hear your opinion.

Thank you!


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